Sunday, June 26, 2011

Response to those who are uncomfortable with nursing in public/nursing photos

If you think breastfeeding in public is wrong, needs to be done "discreetly", or have something against photos or images of breastfeeding, here's some food for thought:

You could learn a lot by taking a look at this article on why seeing breastfeeding is important  and this one on why it is inappropriate to expect a woman to cover up. I also highly recommend viewing this video.

Seeing breastfeeding in public is important! If the only method of infant feeding people ever see is bottle-feeding, then everyone will think that that is the way it is meant to be done. All mammals learn breastfeeding in 2 ways, the first being learning by being breastfed as an infant, and the second being learning by seeing it being done by those around them. If our society views breastfeeding as something that is not to be done around others, then how are people to learn how to do it? In our current society, it is often assumed that babies need to be born in a hospital, bottle fed, put in disposable diapers, and placed to sleep in a crib because that's the way they do it on TV and in the movies.  Some people never even assume that there are other options, which are often better for the mother and baby, because they have no information about their other options.  75% of women in the US start out wanting to breast feed, but most of those women quit within the first few weeks. (These statistics are very similar throughout many societies worldwide, including Canada and the UK.)  Why is that? Because they aren't given proper support, and because they are shamed! In our society's recent past, breastfeeding was normal and commonplace.  Previous generations passed down their knowledge to the new generation of mothers. As society moved away from breastfeeding, it became even more important for those who did do it to *SHOW* the next generation *HOW* to do it. Breastfeeding is normal and natural, but it is also something that takes practice and the support of a good teacher.

Whether or not a woman chooses to cover up is her choice and no one else's. We walk a VERY slippery slope when we talk about nursing, or dressing, or acting "discreetly"! This is a few slippery steps away from expecting a woman to be "discreet", to whatever definition that may be, in all of her actions. The issue is bigger than whether there is a baby attached to the breast, or whether you can see more breast on the average teenager at the mall (and often, you can). It's about feminism and control and patriarchy. There are many women who do not feel comfortable nursing in public at all and many who do not feel comfortable unless they are covered, and that is their choice.  There are many children who do not like to be covered (and really, can you blame them?) and it is more trouble than it is worth, and attracts MUCH more attention, for the mother to fight to keep the child undercover.  There are many women who think nothing of nursing with no cover.  It is something so normal and natural in their lives, they are so comfortable doing it, that it simply does not matter to them.  It is not a matter of "whipping out their breasts" or drawing attention to themselves. They have no desire for anyone to see their breasts, but they have nothing to hide by feeding their child in the most normal and natural way possible. They are simply attending to the needs of their child in a way that is completely normal and commonplace to them, it's simply something that they are very accustomed to. Whether a mother chooses to nurse covered or not is completely up to the mother and child.

That said, a child needs nourishment and nurturing comfort whenever and wherever the child sees fit. Period! Taking a bottle of pumped milk is inconvenient and is not even an option for many women/children.  Pumped milk must be stored at an appropriate temperature, and may require re-heating as many nurslings prefer their milk warm (think body-temp, which is what they are used to); milk straight from the breast is always at the appropriate temperature and requires no storing.  Breastmilk is best when served straight from the tap!  Many nurslings will refuse the bottle altogether, which will cause for a much more angry and fussy baby. (And honestly, would you rather eat your lunch next to a screaming baby or a peacefully nursing one?)  Also, bottles often interfere with the nursing relationship (especially in the early weeks/months) causing nipple confusion and low milk supply.  Babies will often nurse for comfort as much as for nourishment, and a bottle just cannot provide the comfort a breast can.  A mother's breast is a warm, loving, and safe place for a child to be.

But what if there are children around and someone is nursing in public, like at a park, playground, or school?  Well, my response to that would be, "So is mine. Right here. At my breast."  It is important to remember that children are not biased by the way society has twisted and sexualized the breast (or any other body part for that matter). They are intelligent, loving, and curious. They know that other mama mammals nurse their offspring, so what harm comes from teaching them that mama humans nurse their young from their breasts as well? None. What harm comes from teaching them to be afraid of their bodies, of the  life-giving, life-sustaining beauty a woman's body is capable of, of the natural and normal way to feed a baby human? A LOT!

As far as posting nursing pics on Facebook or elsewhere goes, nursing is a normal and natural part of the daily lives of the mothers who do it. Therefore it seems completely normal and natural to post the pictures of it. Like posting pics of cuddling with your baby, or of when your baby was first born, or of bottle-feeding, or feeding your child in their highchair, etc etc etc. Normal daily parental activities. Not to mention beautiful, peaceful, and sweet.  If you don't like them, you don't need to look at them.  If you happen upon them by accident and are taken aback, just remember that you are probably seeing much less skin than in any Coke ad and what you have just seen is completely normal and natural, and then just leave that person's page.  Hide them from your newsfeed or unfriend them if you have to, but remember that it is their right to celebrate their bonding with their child the way that they see fit.  Babies aren't babies for very long and the nursing years go by so quickly, and it is normal to want to immortalize these memories and feelings.

Shaming a woman for nourishing and nurturing her child at her breast is not only damaging to both the mother and child involved in the situation, it is also detrimental to all women.  Other women are affected by their fear of being shamed or discriminated against for nursing in public.  Some may never feel comfortable nursing outside of the home and, for this reason, may give up nursing much to soon, or they may never even try.  Yes, you have the right to your opinion, but you do not have the right to tell women what they can and cannot do or what they should or should not do.  Yes, you have the right to be uncomfortable around nursing if that's how you chose to feel about it.  It is my opinion that you should really educate yourself about nursing and nursing in public and become accepting of it, not only for your own good but for the good of human kind, but ultimately that is on you.  Just know this: Women have the right to nurse whenever, wherever, and however they decide is best for their child. It is a right protected by the law*. Therefore, if it makes you uncomfortable, look away!


*For more information on laws regarding breastfeeding in public: http://mothering.com/breastfeeding/lactation-and-the-law